Mount Moments 08…

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21.05.18

Summer lingers in licks of sun kissed skin,  layers hang uncomfortably on the stubborn bodies of the suns children but the morning air is crisp now. Autumn is gentle in her arrival, aware of the bleakness her time foreshadows. But she knows her time has come as she approaches us shyly, nervous of our reception.

24.05.18

I might be aright in a new place. I should move. I need to move.

09.06.18

Today I feel so in flow. My energy is in tandem with the day. Work with the girls, those light smiles and delightful conversations. You forget, sometimes, the power of getting the music right when the weather is right and the energy is right. Sun shining from morning til evening, cheesy nineties hits, a good mug of coffee and a steady flow of lovely customers. In this I find my happiness, such an easy thing to ask for yet so rare. Even the unavoidable loneliness of the evening brings its own charms, a recharging vinyasa flow, the space and time to cook in the kitchen, the discovery of a new favourite album. And all the while anxiety buds somewhere deep within,  it’s gripe is with the fragility of happiness, the inevitability of a downward spiral and I do my best not to allow it to beat me.

10.06.18

You’ve got a soul that craves the whole world not just a corner of it. A spirit that creates chaos because it knows its worth. There’s something cosmic in your make up, so lively that it rejects the norm and pushes you toward the peculiar. This human world is built on the wild notions of individuals, so why should you disregard your own? It’s not valuable to be one specific thing, not valuable at all to be just one more person doing what everyone else does. And in this life it’s exhausting to defend yourself to the ignorant ones but its oh so important to persist regardless.

Light & Love, N xx

A Promise to 24…

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You’ve exhausted yourself poor girl. Unable to create yourself like everyone else, unable to stop craving otherwise. You take your circumstance for granted that’s true but it isn’t you, it’s her and still you fail to make peace between the two of you. Of course you only want the best for yourself, a rich tapestry of life. Late nights with the ones you love, to get lost in grand cities, to feel so utterly insignificant that there is nothing to you but complete freedom. You want the world to ravish you and you’ve succeeded mightily at times but this is the year we try to make it stick. – Journal entry

Twenty Four is my wild year, the year I push and push until the paralysis crumbles under the pressure of my ferocity. Every day I’m taking minute steps toward it. I’m hungry for liberation, I never suited this timid creation, not with all of this abundant aspiration, this urgency for living, this need to seek out the characters in the crowd and befriend them.

“I never really understood New Year. To me, my birthday was always my chance to start over or keep on with the good.” – My work boss.

Wellington reminded me of all the things I love about living. Scattered routine, talking late into the night with exceptional humans, dancing around completely oblivious to reality, shitty places painted pretty in shades of memory. I missed my friends, I missed the adventure I came here for. The past few months haven’t defeated me, I’ve defeated me. But I’ve had some crazy reboot, less to do with a birthday and more to do with getting away for a couple days. I never knew a place could be so claustrophobic.

Light and love, N x

Cosmic Vibrations: May…

So this post is most definitely a bit of a cheat because I just ripped off the best bits of the month from my side project, @sonicsprite, over on instagram. But I thought it might be nice to fill a little hole here on the mothership blog anyhow especially for any of you musical lovelies out there. So here we have my most favourite three album discoveries/releases of May…

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7 – Beach House

A pocket of mystery within the music world. At it again with that dream pop ambience, lulling vocals, synth play and world building. I adore this album. I’m not exactly top notch with producers and whatnot but I do know Peter Kember (Sonic Boom) and you can feel his experimentalism at it on this record.
Some highlights:
‘Lemon Glow’ – the melody and lyrics, especially in the chorus, allude to pop but drain any love song innocence away with deep drumbeats and the intoxication of Legrand’s dramatic tone.
‘L’lnconnue’ – simultaneously whimsical and haunting. Is Legrand a woman or a powerful faerie queen pulling on her mysticism to subdue us all? It seems so in the almost cryptic incantation that builds in the opening of the track. ‘Seven girls’ ‘Seven ways’ ‘Seventh girl’ maybe the albums title is an admission of the bands link to some otherworldly power rather than a straightforward count of albums. ‘Dive’ is a…dive. A slow descent at first, floating down gently but picking up momentum as you surge deeper. The guitars pick up mid way, nudging you out of the hypnotic calm of the first couple minutes.
The album feels very much at unity within itself, all of the levels drift into each other, making it impossible not to want to listen from beginning to end.
I could chat about this for hours. What’s everyone thinking about it?

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Daniel Blumberg – Minus (2018)
Was anyone else super into Cajun Dance Party and that one album they released way back in 2008? A decade later and this is the lead singer. What a bloody evolution.
Loved CDP for sure and I was also a fan of Yuck too but this is on a completely new level. It’s incredible.
It’s a little introspective and cynical lyrically, poetic and raw and honest. There is something in the repetitive phrases that stirs you, like Blumberg is tormenting himself in some songs and reassuring himself in others. In ‘Minus’ the opening lines are four rounds of ‘Minus the intent to feel, I’m here’. Throughout the whole song it’s like he’s giving up pieces of himself for ‘this love’. The music itself is hectic, lots of layers and genres and no real flow. For instance, the twanging of bluesy guitar on ‘The Fuse’, the soft lull of piano introing ‘The Bomb’ delicate shifts here and there to peak your interest throughout. Each track synchronises the elements of each instrument to the lyrics, echoing the feeling in words through sound and it’s both awesome and disconcerting. ‘The Bomb’ is simple three verses mostly encompassed by the repetition of lines but it’s backed by the inconsistent low jars of violin play and then a somber piano that provide a melancholy beyond just Blumberg and his careful vocals.
The album is just seven songs, but they are seven songs that exist entirely in their own separate universes as well as a collective. It’s a body of work that really announces itself, timeless and agonising but loud in its triumph.

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Hatchie – Sugar & Spice EP
A little dream pop baby with vibrant shoe gaze elements and catchy lyrics and one of them slinky pop voices that make you feel all nice. She’s ace. Definite Slowdive vibes with those scuzzy sounds and an inkling of Wolf Alice in there too, ‘Sleep’ could slot in on Visions Of A Life, maybe with a few more guitar riffs, and her voice has that familiar haze like Ellie Rowsell. Feisty feminine tones that chase the dominating instruments with a winning delicacy. Sugar and spice rounds up the sound quite fittingly. Just five songs and I’m smitten.

If you’re a music lover then please help me out by taking a look at my little side project over on instagram @sonicsprite. Or take a look at my Spotify for playlists and what not. I’m also always keen to write for other projects, so if you have a music blog and need writers, holla at me!

Light, love & cosmic vibrations, N x

Lacuna…

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This is me stuck…again. Giving up on a thing because it isn’t at all how I wish to be perceived. I crave skill, experience and insight that I don’t allow myself to prosper in. My anxiety holds me back, I’m embarrassed to ask for opportunities and ashamed of what little I have to offer anyways. I’m not enough, I’ve tried to force myself into things but I fall every time. I want to be raw, organic, completely at one with me and how I connect with you. People read my blog and it thrills me, honestly it does, especially on the posts were I know I’ve laid myself bare. I don’t yearn for success or notoriety but for connection and acceptance. That’s what my journey has always been.  Online, creatively and here, in my reality. It’s why I runaway, why I try to escape myself by escaping a place because I feel deep in my gut this empty space that persists I’m chasing something despite the constant wall that stunts me with every turn.

And the thing I amp up in my head and put my all into achieving is never quite what I’ve built it up to be once I actually get it. It’s always a dream for a day before becoming an exhausted routine all too quick. Like when I’m in a beach town I’ve idealised living in for months, a couple weeks in and I miss the pace of the city. Then when I’m in the city I crave the alienation and mellow timing of beachside living. But moving all of the time doesn’t give me the chance to establish the roots I think I probably need. Because as much as I yearn for a constant group of friends I just can’t accept one place as my permanent home. Imagining being anywhere for longer than a few months pushes me into this awful pit of despair and it sucks. As much as I’ve embraced my free spirit and my ‘grab life by the tits’ attitude, I want to want the settled life. I want to want a companion and a home and a career that gives me purpose. Because the thought of it all is so warmly imagined in my head but the practice of it makes me feel trapped. It just seems so easy to want what society pushes you to want, maybe there is some sense to it after all.

I’m actually sort of sorry if you read this to be honest, it probably doesn’t make much sense which is frustrating because I’ve been working on honestly displaying this anxiety for years. I’m over it, I’m over myself and it’s a rut I can’t keep motivating myself to get out of. I’m so hopelessly tired of being me and trying to fix it by meddling with my external circumstances. I’m almost twenty four and no matter how much I know I’ve progressed I just want to be at peace, to find my footing and stop worrying over all of these things I quite obviously can’t help.

Light and love (oh the hypocrisy of that), N x

Nifty Nooks: Wild One Wholefoods…

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Where: 9 Prince Ave, Mount Maunganui, Tauranga 3116

The Beans: Kokako (An Auckland based Roasters that is both organic and fair-trade.)

Favourites: Soy Flat White, Salted Caramel Smoothie, Coconut and Blueberry muffin (can you tell I have a sweet tooth?) and I’m sure there’d be more if I could only make it to the actual menu.

During the awkward days on my first arrival in Mount Maunganui I do what I always do, when I’m bumbling about a new place, and seek out a sanctuary. Away from the pollution of people in the hostel, away from the too crowded cafes over run with intimidatingly cool locals. I find Wild One Wholefoods on Prince Avenue, just off of Mount Maunganui road. It’s space is clean and vibrant and the selection of vegan options overwhelming. My love isn’t cemented until I take my first sip of the smoothest soy flat white I’ve had in weeks. It’s a beautiful thing. The gnarliest barista.

I come back day after day as I fall into a wandering routine. Broken only by the promise of my own room in a flat a little too far away to frequent so often. Though that’s probably the best thing because money only lasts so long (spoiler, I’ve since moved out of said flat and into one right across the road, Good bye savings!).

The girls who work there are the loveliest, always good for a chat if it’s quiet enough and always working their little butts off on busy days (I wrote up this review a couple months back before I actually became one of those gals haha! I love brewing up a storm so pop in for a coffee made by moi!). If you are vegan, gluten free, or health conscious in any way then this is the spot for you. The menu is inventive, though I barely make it past the cake fridge where you’ll find the coconut and blueberry muffin, which is my all time fave. And the owner is super cool, a young woman making waves of change with a little nook for the health and planet conscious cafe lover.

Love and Light, N x

 

 

Obsessing Over: Ruins…

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Flashback to Latitude festival in the summer of 2012. Me and my mate are exhausted from the heat and all of that walking and dancing. The girls tented up next to us are an energetic bunch, the stench of weed and the instrumentals of glass bottles and tipsy laughter are in abundance for three days and three nights. It’s nice though, that sound of youthful living. What’s nicer is the album they play on repeat. It’s an album I’d not heard but the lulling, haunting, nymph like vocals are enchanting. I find out on the second evening that it’s a band called First Aid Kit, a band that had played earlier that day, whom I had completely skipped out on. Regrets.

Since then I’ve been continuously wooed by the mystical, folky tones of the Swedish sisters and this most recent release is stunning. STUNNING. Like, I want to live inside their voices. Is that really weird? It is, isn’t it. But how else can I explain it? Their sisterly bond is evident even in the harmonising pairing of their voices and the lyrics are so rich. There’s something very timeless in the way they reminisce in elements of the seventies but still manage to put a spin on the folk and grooviness to make their stuff relevant modern pop.

The lyrics are the “simple” sort, love and heartache. But every track is so individual, with little snaps of different genre’s, twisting harmonies and just raw talent to be real with you. Rebel Heart is haunting from the intro and that last verse is so tragic: ‘Nothing matters, all is futile’. I stopped the album half way through the track, it was midday, the sun was out and I was all optimism and light. This song needed twilight storms and an open heart to fully be felt.

Fireworks was the first track to really get my attention, it’s all building layers with the catchy lyrics and set up of a ballad. It’s got that ‘single’ kind of vibe, instantly likeable and full of the good stuff. But my favourite track is either Distant Star or Hem of her dress.

Distant Star holds some of my favourite lines, that second half of the first verse:

‘Your mother she’s an actress
And we’re all putting on a play
There’s some conviction, pretend it’s all real
Try to ignore how sad it all feels
Yes try not to break her heart if you can”

It’s maybe one of the bleakest on the album, so much longing and dwelling in the words. There’s something in the tone of their voices that just suits those emotions.

Hem of Her Dress, is partly up there simply for the unexpected ending. Like Distant Star it carries a bitterness through the lyrics ‘You say you’ve found yourself, Oh, in someone else, And she makes you forget about the rain’ but there isn’t a chorus or a traditional lyrical composition. I like that it kind of sounds like a massive outpouring, very unfiltered. Almost like they’ve gotten drunk, loosened their tongues, gotten all the shit out in the open and then distracted themselves with a drunken sing along at the end. It’s brilliant.

Post writing this, I came across a track by track analysis on a site called Consequence of Sound and thought I’d include it for all my fellow lyrical babes out there. It’s the girls themselves giving a run down, so super insightful. As for this post? Just accept it at this point. My blogs become a bit of a mess of stuff and I’ve resigned myself to just posting what matters to me in the moment. I thought this album was pretty and I wanted to talk about it.

Light and love, N x

Moods, Rhythms, Prose…

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Again all of these images are collected over on my Pinterest and Tumblr and what not. I’ve also featured one of my favourite instagram accounts @gabimulder which you should for sure check out. As well as beautiful summer scenes, she shoots some wistful feminine portraits too. 

Embrace that messy head and scribble your art on life. Tongue tied you may be but I will give you the ink to honour that explosive gift for written truths. Cursive and print, legible and cluttered. Give me the letters, the words, that common language that wraps itself around my daily deeds and string them together anew with mastery and imagination. Give me all you have in your heart, write me your desires, your secrets, your emotions. Let me in, write me a window, write me a passage through those whirlwind thoughts. I’m here for you, for all that you can design and create for me. I’m hungry for your foreign lines and lofty scripts. Give me verse and prose, novels, just a simple phrase. Give me the puzzle, that is you, prettily packaged on pages of type. Give me the grit and the horror of the world that surrounds us, on the back of a supermarket receipt. A poem on a napkin, the corner tarnished, used to wipe up your brew. Give me the racing action dancing in your eyes through the coffee shop window. Give me myself remastered by your divulging fingers. That elevation of observation you master so well. Give me spills of soul and the jagged, dragged out pain of your denial. Give me rhyme or bland simplicity but just give and give and give, despite that self doubt. I’ll smooth out the crinkles in that bunched up wad of a masterpiece and frame it for the world to see. What you have? It matters. So stop where you have to and write with the tools you grab, be flighty and blunt and dismissive of all that gets in your way.

My little mini mix here is a compilation of some of my favourite lyrics. It’s a bit mish mashy and I just grabbed at the ones that popped into my head first so I definitely left out some of my favourites but nevertheless I hope you enjoy!

Light and Love, N x