My heart is shuttered from all of the new which surrounds me, it still lingers on the nurturing grounds of home. Here I am invisible again and I can’t stir my sinking self into action. Their faces are all sneers despite the reality, their whispers all conspiring against me despite tell tale words of other priorities. My palms sweat as I make my way to the kitchen but I pretend to be fascinated by the noticeboard just before it and hastily retreat to the dorm room. Even there when conversation is made I’m not present, my heart is racing, those barbed fences locked in place around who I actually am. The parts that do escape are echoes of the charm and wit I know are rioting deep down impatient to be freed. It’s nonsensical to be so afraid of new people, of this new place. But I’m homesick for the people I love so wholly, scattered around the world. My home is no place and that’s all that Mount Maunganui is in this moment. A place, a spectacular place with so much potential. But I’m lonely and afraid and a place just isn’t enough.