You start with impatience as I count down the days to a big awaited adventure that’ll take me away. Your days are long and dull and I wish away the rain soaked pavements and too familiar faces. When I leave he runway at Heathrow you instantly become my most favourited year as my life long restlessness stays waiting at the terminal. You teach me from the get go what it is to be cemented in your intuition, to believe and trust in only yourself. Your the year that me, myself and I meet and become a woman with wistful ideas and brave ambition. Your the year my best friend becomes my sister, the year I learn what real friendship is, that bonds can stretch beyond language barriers, ages and backgrounds. Your the year my anxiety becomes a part of me but not something that defines me. Your the year that I become enough.
We see the most surreal sunsets, dreamy beaches and landscapes the most talented of creators couldn’t do justice. We give in to recklessness, do things we should regret but manage only to empower us. Together we take on challenges we never could of anticipated as our reality and within those challenges comes a peaceful groundedness, a serene acceptance of what this world is, how it works, its quirks, it’s issues, its abundant diversity. I see things that shatter my naïveté, make me notice my privilege. In my independence I think of home, it’s comfort and support. Gratitude becomes a familiar nuance. I learn what it is to have money and to lose it, to struggle to keep yourself a float on next to no wage in a laborious job. I learn just how much I can cope with. And it turns out that’s a lot. You, for me in my little bubble are the most influential twelve months of my life. You are the epitome of ‘happiness’ means to me.
Meanwhile you strangle the world, deprive it of its free voices, better talents, destroying the idols who matter and make a difference. Whilst the worst of the living take power, you let our race digress years in its equality and peace. You ruin nature, humanity, hope. You slam into the lives of millions with terror and injustice. And I can’t help but be taken back by your heartlessness, your ignorance. You sweep over continents in a tumultuous reign, ripping at any developments we’ve made. I look back on you in an anxious rage.
Thank you for your encouragement, your life-fullness. Your actions discourage my excitement but don’t dull the euphoric journey I took on this year. I found my bliss in your chaos and as selfish as it is I’m thankful for your days.
Love and confusion,