What keeps me awake at night?

Sometimes I’ll be laying in bed trying my hardest to drift off to sleep but I’ll be held captive in the waking world by troublesome butterflies dancing in my tummy. This is the time when I’ll think of the world in scale to tiny insignificant me, alive and bustling in every corner. Right now it’s 1:36 am UK time but it’s not time for sleeping everywhere and I shiver at thought of how much I’m missing out on. How many writers are typing at keyboards and scratching with pens, full focus on projects so far from finished, giving up sleep to work on a masterpiece that will never be read, or understood, or given the prize it’s effort deserves? How many road trips are in full flow, a rickety truck on desert roads, classic rock blaring, sun radiating a soulful energy only accessible miles from expecting civilisation? And how many are surfing through candy floss clouds, lost in unsettled, frustrated, expecting excitements, a specific sub category of the emotion only evoked on a plane ride to some raw, unexplored destination? How many lovers are reunited, families laughing around tables, kids opening surprises? How many bodies on beaches, splitting through waves, manning boats and jumping off of cliffs? And not to mention the drunk dancers, bedroom ravers, gig goers buzzing, melodies conducted, underground poetry, paintings evolving, artists inspired? Then under all the obvious, how many smiles at strangers? Hugs? all of the hugs! And perhaps the most envious of all, how many settled minds lost in blissful slumber? And all of this from other insignificant me’s just trying to find some living amongst all of this fear and terror. And it’s funny that these thoughts of strangers keep me awake wanting, impatient, invigorated, wishing but mostly they keep me awake in awe that we as humans manage any semblance of happiness when our world is torn apart and the only news is bad news. Funny to be kept from sleeping by positive energy. And it’s in these midnight imaginings of people and places unknown that keep me sane, keep me hoping and reaching and living.

Author: nikki

In a constant existential crisis, dipping me toe in everything, trying me best.

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